Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Pregnancy Glow Revealed

While it is common knowledge that pregnant women emit an almost supernatural "glow" during gestation, visible to those around them but not to themselves, the effects of this phenomenon remain unstudied. Professor Ima D. Oktor first noted the issue and lack of research in the area during her own pregnancy and has made some remarkable discoveries.

"It first came to my attention when I was about 16 weeks along,just after someone said they saw the glow." said Professor Oktor. "I noticed my staff acting oddly towards me. At first I dismissed it as pregnancy hormones and overreacting, but as I started keeping a journal, I realized that it was real!"

After careful observation and empirical study, the professor was able to pinpoint the symptoms afflicting her staff, including deafness, altered perceptions of her abilities, and an overall glassy-eyed expression. "It was bizarre," she explained, "students who normally listened to my instructions quite clearly, suddenly became incapable of hearing more than 3 words. I had one student actually try to tie my shoes for me!"

Realizing the potential of the scientific breakthrough, she expanded her study to include other pregnant women and their experiences. The results were astounding. "The story was the same everywhere - even health professionals who were trained to listen to pregnant women, were often unable to hear anything the women said and replied to them as if they were children." The Pregnancy Glow Syndrome (PGS) was quickly becoming a well-defined phenomenon.

Professor Oktor's next step was to isolate the cause. After several tries, she came up with the Pregnancy Glow Detector (PGD) - a device that detects and isolates the pregnancy glow. Using the PGD, she was able to definitively show that the "glow" extends in a radius of 10 to 20 feet from a pregnant woman (far further than originally supposed) and entering the Glow Area of Effect (GAE) initiates the symptoms of PGS.

What's next? "Well, " Professor Oktor says " the implications for military applications are immense. Consider a tank cloaked in GAE! The enemy wouldn't be able to hear it and would assume it was harmless and incapable of doing anything." She adds that she hopes to study other pregnancy effects for similar applications, such as Belly Touching Compulsion (BTC), during her next pregnancy.

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