Zoe Elizabeth birth story

We arrived at the hospital at o dark thirty in the morning, deciding they must schedule c-sections so early to prepare you for the sleep deprivation to come. After surrendering my worldly possessions and signing many papers agreeing to hold no one responsible for anything, I dressed in the fashion dujour - a stunning open backed gown with comfortingly neutral tones - and awaited the main event. My anesthetist, sporting an incongruously bright hospital hat replete with multicolored cats, administered the combination spinal and epidural, and as I lost all feeling in my legs I knew we were on the way to meeting our latest addition.

The incision, accompanied by the usual burning smell from the cauterizer, seemed to take forever, as I waited on pins and needles to hear that first little cry. The room erupted in laughter as my doctor opened the uterus and Zoe promptly stuck her hand out (looking for credit cards already, quipped the assistant). A minute later she was out and filling the air with a healthy bawl. As they were almost done sewing me back up and I was drifting in and out of a drug-induced haze, I could hear them counting the equipment - and they were missing some forceps. They ended up being in the asst. surgeon's pocket - ha ha (not!)

They brought Zoe to me in recovery and she latched on right away like a champ. Since I am still nursing JJ, she got milk right away. Everyone was amazed at how quickly she latched on and how long she ate (45 minutes!!) My little chow hound :)

Back in my room, JJ was completely unhappy that Mommy was in bed and couldn't get up. The 2nd day was a bit worse - he came in while I was nursing Zoe and started freaking out (No! Mine!) However, the 3rd day, I was nursing him and they brought Zoe in hungry. I asked him if it was OK if Zoe had some milk too and he said OK. So I put Zoe on the other breast. After a while, he straightened up and leaned over to watch her eat. Pointing at her, he says "Zozo, milk?" "Yes, Zoe is having some milk." he points at my other breast and then at himself "JJ, milk?" "Yes, you get milk too." This huge grin spread over his face and he clapped his hands together and almost shouted "Same!" then went back to nursing. Now, when they nurse together, he'll reach over and hold her hand while they're both on. It is heartbreakingly sweet. He calls her Zozo and corrects people when they call her Zoe.

Overall, I've recovered much much more quickly than last time, have had less pain, have been less drugged out/loopy, and feel able to do a lot more than I should. On the downside, I've come down with an ear infection and am back on antibiotics :( Zoe lost about 10 oz while in the hospital and had started gaining back weight before we left on Christmas eve (in a snow storm of all things!) By her appointment on Monday, she'd gained back nearly all her weight - she's only 1 oz shy of her birth weight now.

Welcome to the world Miss Zozo :)

Cream peas...hmmm

We got some lovely cream peas at the Farmer's Market yesterday and John made some of them into baby food for JJ.  He wasn't exactly enthusiastic, but he didn't hate them either, so I'm considering that a "win."  We want to get more fats and protiens in his solids diet so we can transition him completely off of formula so he's only on breast milk and solids.  As it is, he get about 8-16oz of formula a day in addition to all the breast milk I can pump (when I'm working) plus nursing.  It's been a real struggle to keep his weight gain up - he seems to need more fat than he's getting from the breastmilk.  I suspect the issue is that I'm working - as a result, there are at least 3 days a week we're not working on keeping the production levels high, and the pumping doesn't do a great job of draining the good fats, unless I have him nurse first.  Who knew breastfeeding was such a tricky process?!?!

Gaining weight, but snifflin'

Good news! According to the bathroom scale, the little guy is gaining weight. Also, by having them give him formula and pumped breast milk during daycare, I've been able to get my work done a lot more easily (so less stress on the mommy - hooray!)

However, he's come down with allergies or a cold or something and snores worse than his daddy these days. Poor little guy! I hope he can get on more breastmilk soon to help him fight whatever it is. Having a snotty nose and no way to blow has to really suck.

Figuring out the breastmilk issue

So, a little research and some looking back over the TrixieTracker logs, and I think we've got it figured out. For the last month or so JJ has been really distracted while nursing. So, to keep him interested, I'd let him do a few minutes on each side and kept switching him back and forth from side to side. In theory, it seems like a good idea. However, breast milk actually changes composition during the course of a feeding, going from a very thin fore milk (think of it like skim) to a fatty hind milk (think heavy whipping cream). And let me just say, isn't that the wierdest thing ever? I mean, what an amazingly cool and freaky thing that the composition of your milk changes during the feeding? But, I digress. Since he was going back and forth, getting just a few minutes on each at a time, he wasn't ever getting the hind milk, so basically he was filling up on skim but never getting the yummy cream! Which explains why a) he wasn't gaining weight even though he was eating for a long time and b) I kept getting knots (the hind milk was never draining out). In fact, it turns out that what I was doing (continually switching back and forth) is a technique for increasing your milk production!



To fix the problem, now I only feed JJ on one side at each feeding. We're also supplementing with formula during the day (and I'm pumping to keep the supply up). Hopefully, we'll be able to keep the formula to a minimum and eventually get him back on breast milk only. We'd like to get him back to breast milk only because a) formula is freakin' expensive! b) formula stains when he spits it up (ewwww) c) JJ likes the breast milk better (so would I - the formula smells funny to me).

Let's hope this works.

Failure to Thrive

We took JJ into the pediatrician today because he seemed a little skinny to us. Sure enough, he hasn't gained any weight since his 4 month appt (he's 5 1/2 months now). The doctor says we need to start supplementing with formula and adding proteins to his solids (ie giving him beans/legumes/etc.) He said that based on the charts, he's officially no longer in the "normal" range which classifies him as failure to thrive. He's grown almost an inch, and he hasn't lost any weight, and he's spot on or ahead for his developmental milestones, so the doc doesn't think he's sick, just not getting enough protein and fat.

I'm so upset. I've tried so so so hard with the breastfeeding and thought we had a good rhythm down and all. I make sure I'm available to feed him every two hours if he wants it, make sure he's having plenty of wet diapers, ... he's getting plenty of volume (10 wet diapers a day, easy)....apparently he's not getting enough protein and fat from the breast milk. The doctor says it's not an uncommon issue. He said that there wasn't anything I could do to fix it and that sometimes women just don't have the right composition, but that just sounds wrong to me somehow. I need to talk to my sister - maybe she's got some good lactation consultant type tips.

Intellectually I know that this isn't my "fault" and that I didn't do anything "wrong". But that doesn't mean I don't feel totally worthless and like I failed some how. I cried for hours after we got home. Poor John did his best to cheer me up, but I guess I just need to get on top of this. I mean, I will do whatever it takes to make sure JJ is happy and healthy. I just wish that "whatever it takes" didn't mean formula. :(

La Leche Conference

My sister came to Dallas this weekend to attend the La Leche League conference. She's looking into becoming a lactation consultant which is totally cool. She was invaluable in helping me with JJ when he first got here. I'm way more comfortable with her advice than any random stranger and she's so good about being non-judgemental and such. She got JJ and I cool shirts too! Mine is a black nursing tank that says Supply and JJ's is a little white tank that says Demand. Too funny!!

They had lots of really neat sessions at the conference including all sorts of medical studies. She got to meet some of the founding members and talk to them too. One of the gals told her this story that just cracks me up. Apparently she was on a plane, traveling in the crowded coach section next to a woman and her baby. The baby started to fuss, obviously hungry and the woman was looking a bit concerned about nursing in a very crowded plane. She told the lady who she was and to go ahead that it was totally cool. Meanwhile, the guy on the otherside of this woman was getting really uncomfortable realizing there was about to be breastfeeding right there next to him on the plane. The gal from the LLL leaned over and said "Sir, I can see you're uncomfortable with this woman nursing. I'm sure she has a blanket in her diaper bag and would be happy to give it to you to put over your head until she's done." LOL!!! That is classic.

Nursing Necklace - it's here!

John ordered me a nursing necklace and it arrived today. JJ *loves* it already and so do I. John got me the "Earth Angel" one and it looks really nice. JJ immediately grabbed onto it while nursing and started playing with it. It couldn't have come at a better time - I've been getting pretty beat up during our nursing sessions! Yesterday, he managed to get a hold of a fistful of my hair (ow!) and he routinely pinches my breasts while eating (ow!) I'm so glad to have something his busy hands can grab that doesn't result in a bald patch on my head ;)

I hope it will help him concentrate better too - lately he's been having "bright-and-shiny" sessions where he'll eat for a minute, pull off and look around (as in "ooh, what was that bright and shiny thing?") then eat for a minute, pull off and look around, repeat ad infinitum. It got so bad the other day, he actually didn't even re-latch in between distracting himself! He just moved his mouth back towards the nipple and before he latched on he got distracted again and whipped his head back around to see Lord-only-knows-what going on behind him. I told him that a) he's going to get whiplash doing that and b) this is currently his only job around here, and unless he wants to start cleaning toilets, he'd better concentrate. I don't think he was listening though.

Pumping - TMI

Alright, for those of you who don't know diddley about breastfeeding (BFing), let me bring you up to speed. This "natural" process is in, large part, a learned behaviour by both the baby and the momma - you both have to sort out how to get the little guy latched on (baby has to open mouth wide, get tongue under the nipple, suck voraciously etc., momma has to make sure he's at the right angel, has enough nipple in his mouth, doesn't slip off etc.) AND the mother has to figure out how to trigger what's called a "let down." A let down is an involuntary muscle reaction that pushes the milk toward the nipple. Note the "involuntary" portion of that. This means that you have to get in the right head space to relax enough to make this happen. If you're tense, it ain't happenin'. So, now, imagine you are trying relax and zen out while you have a screaming baby beating on your breast insisting he's hungry, dammit. Tricky? You ain't kidding.

Well, for the most part, I finally got this let down thing sorted. JJ and I have it all worked out. Enter the pump. Now, I've been pumping since the little guy got home, trying to get my milk supply up to his demand and trying to give myself a break and let John (and other folks - like daycare) feed him too. And I tell you what - I SUCK at pumping. Remember that let down thing? Well, you have to manage the same thing with the pump. Except, now instead of a snuggly warm sweet baby (or thrashing screaming baby, depending on where you are with this), you've got a little black machine with tubes coming out of it that attach to some fairly scary looking flanges that fit over your nipples. When you flip it on, it whirs to life with a disconcerting "voopah, voopah, voopah, voopah" and you look down in mild horror to see your nipples rhythmically extracted into the flanges as you once again attempt to zen out. Give me the screaming baby any day!

Nursing necklaces

So here's a cool thing - nursing necklaces! They give the baby something to do with their hands while the nurse. Neat! I am going to have to get one of these. JJ is at a stage where he loves to touch and feel everything. I don't know that he realizes that those are his hands, but he's grabbing and holding things pretty well. Especially my shirt while he nurses :) I bet one of these necklaces would be much more entertaining to fondle than a bit of cotton jersey.

Alternate, detatched delivery system

Someone recently posted on the Babyfit message board about what to tell people when they ask if you are breast feeding when you are pumping and giving a bottle. First - what a bizarre thing that anyone would ask you that in the first place (she said she was getting the question from total strangers - how wierd is that?!?!). So, I suggested she tell them she's using an alternate detatched delivery system with original source material :)

Breastfeeding Soapbox

BFing is certainly more time consuming and challenging and emotionally charged than I imagined! I still remember the frstration and pain as we struggled to get a good latch, the wracking sobs while the doc told us we had to supplement for the first 2 weeks because my milk was slow to come in... Feeling like a failure and at the same time feeling angry because everyone at the hospital had pushed so hard (each with a different opinion) and I had suffered through a lot of pain and then being told I still had to supplement....

Things are working great now (we've made it 2 1/2 weeks with no formula as of today), but tomorrow it could all change. 2 days ago, JJ went from feeding every 3 hours to feeding every hour. Who knows what will be next?

I applaud each and every one who has tried, regardless of the results. We are having to learn a skill that is more art than science while dealing with sleep deprivation and the guilt from the well-meaning "armchair boobs"( who may or may not have experience or even the right equipment) around us telling us that we're not "doing it right." It is ironic that our culture today is all about "breast is best" while at the same time not providing the necessary environment to make it easy. I mean, for goodness sakes, there's a whole PROFESSION in telling women how to breast feed (enter lactation consultants). What does it say about our culture that such a profession is necessary?!?! And believe me, it is very necessary - it is a rare and fortunate mom in today's US that has the childhood and adolescent exposure to this art form such that it is second nature rather than a strange and some what foriegn concept. Yet, we are quick to judge and hand out guilt to those poor mothers who can't for whatever reason, manage to learn to do this.

Catching up - Birth, Breastfeeding, and Becky

I went in for my scheduled C-section early on 2/7. We got checked in and through all the paper work quickly. They wanted to give me a combination spinal block and epidural, but were only able to give me the spinal. After they got me on the table, things went pretty quick. I started to feel a little sick due to the drop in blood pressure, but they were able to give me something for it. It was a little scary at first - I could smell something burning and realized that it was *me* (they use a cauterizing tool to keep the bleeding to a minimum during surgery). At one point I could feel all sorts of tugging and pulling and pushing. John says that the doc reached in to get JJ and he "made a run for the north). Guess he didn't want to come out! At 8:01am, I heard him cry for the first time. It was so wonderful I started to cry too. He is my special miracle and I am so blessed to have him. We spent 3 days in the hospital before they sent us home. He was slightly jaundiced, but not enough to keep us there.

My Recovery
I've recovered very quickly from the surgery. It was so much easier than my myomectomy! About 3 days after we got home, I was walking out of the bathroom and nearly doubled over in pain. I barely made it to the bed and John immediately called the after hours number for the doc. After talking with them on the phone (and crying my eyes out), we determined I was having uterine contractions, as my parts and pieces were reassembling themselves. I hadn't been taking my pain meds because I wasn't in any pain, so when they contractions hit, they were truly awful. I haven't had any more serious pain since then (and I have remember to take my meds, even if I'm not hurting). I find out on 2/21 if I'm cleared to work out again! Hooray!

Breastfeeding
Unfortunately, my colostrum wasn't enough for JJ, and he lost 1lb 2oz by the time we left so we have had to supplement. Breastfeeding was initially very difficult - he is a bit of a sneaky feeder, looking like he has a pefect latch, buth actually having a shallow one (just pooches out his lips, the little sneaker). I toughed it through, and ended up with awful scabs all over my nipples - but they healed up right away when I got home. We are both better at the breast feeding thing now, although we still sometimes have a bit of a fuss if he decides it's been too long since his last meal. I've been pumping as well as breast feeding, so my milk production is way up and I'm hoping the doctor will let me have him on breast milk exclusively after his 2 week check up.